woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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