sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
