Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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