my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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