After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize