Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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