i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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