Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
