I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
