you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
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