I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Randomize
