and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
