you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
