I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
