the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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