Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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