Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
