We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
