The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
