I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
i will never coherently bang her
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
