I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
