CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
