I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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