did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
