i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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