Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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