she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
