I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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