We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
