after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
That reminds me...we need to get swords
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
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