This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
