they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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