she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
