the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
