I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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