You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Randomize
