Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
