that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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