Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
