i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
