apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Princesses don't give blow jobs
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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