Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
