puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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