remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
