Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
