I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
