I must be too annoying 4 u.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
