What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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