tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
