Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
