the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
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