I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
