so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
