come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
