You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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