eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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