It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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