Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
