do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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