Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
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