Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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